Fear

The question is: What is the biggest problem you face right now? What Goliath is staring you in the face, taunting you and defying God to rescue you? Today my Goliath is fear--fear of this aging process, fear of Monday's knee surgery and the pain to follow, fear of the consequences of bad choices made over my lifetime. So, for today I am claiming this verse in Iasaih 41:10: "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Also, Psalm 91:1-2: "He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."

So, what am I afraid of? Physical pain, physical deterioration, loss of abilities? All of these are temporary anyway. The only sure and constant thing in this life and the life after this is God.

This morning a friend prayed for me over the phone. That is only the second time that has ever happened to me. So, do I really trust the God I pray to? I want to trust Him!

Oh, God, let your Spirit fill me with your peace

Thanksgiving

AAHH! Another great meal devoured in a fraction of the time it took to cook it! I didn't have to (or get to) cook this year as we were invited to our daughter's in-laws' home. It was a very good dinner and we enjoyed the company.

I am always a little ashamed of how much food we can pile onto one table for one meal when there are so many who have nothing, but I do not know exactly how to break the cycle without hurting feelings. I would really like to at least tone it down a little and spend more time and energy acknowledging our Provider and helping someone else. Oh, we do contribute to "causes" that help others, but that's the easy way out.

Now that I have said that I have to evaluate and determine just what changes I am willing to make.

Word Play

I've been thinking about a word that keeps popping up in everything I read or see lately. That word is "encourage". It doesn't take much for someone to encourage me--just a note or a word. How often do I act on my intentions to encourage someone else? I believe that thoughts about another person are urges from the Spirit to pay attention to that person either in prayer or in person and I should act on those little pushes.

The other word is "entourage". Notice the one letter difference? Each of us needs an entourage of encouragers to keep us going and we need to be a part of other's entourages (is that the proper pluralization?) to lift them up and give them hope. It doesn't take much--just a note or a word.

There are numerous scriptures instructing us to encourage one another, especially when things look dark as they do in our world today. I am going to try to do better at this. It takes so little effort and is such a blessing to others.

Home Again

Back home after a week of vacation at the Oregon Beaches with our family. We rent a big house so we can all stay together, sharing space and food--lots of good food! It was a good week with typical ocean beach weather--foggy, cool, sunny and sandy. The kites were fun and the kids had a great sand castle. Took lots of pictures.

One week vacations are not quite long enough. It takes 2-3 days to get into the rhythm of it, then it is almost time to pack up and get home again. A little more "middle time" would be nice. However, I am grateful for any and all special times with kids and grands.

Home is nice, too.

Old Knees

I had my annual physical yesterday and I seem (so far) to be doing well--except for my knees. I have arthritis which has gotten progressively worse over the past year and my doctor thinks I should consider knee replacement surgery soon while I am still healthy enough to tolerate it well. Easy for him to say! Does anyone ever see themselves in advance as needing this kind of thing? I am quite sure I am not old enough or crippled enough for joint replacement. Depending on the day, the pain is mostly quite tolerable. How do I know if and when I should do this? I think I will wait til the fall, then consult with an orthopedist before going ahead. Being incapacitated for 6 weeks doesn't sound like fun--I don't have time for that! In this day of modern medicine why can't they just inject some silicone or something and "re-pad" the joint.

If you can't tell, I am BUMMED OUT!!

Emotions

The last four weeks have been such an emotional roller coaster for me. My friend's husband passed away from melanoma, his memorial service at his church and watching her being so strong yet so vulnerable. Then our Portland family came for a weekend and left their boys for a week and we had such a great time with them. Then there is the let-down when things get back to our dull normal routine except for the bright moments with our granddaughter. She is such a loving, trusting, sensitive child and wants to take care of everyone. She has a knack for sensing sadness and wants to comfort. Some sadnesses are just simply beyond her level of understanding, but she does want to help.

Next to God, my family is the dearest thing on earth to me and I can't bear it when things are uneasy between us. Sometimes I think I try too hard to keep everyone happy, but I love them so much. Even thinking about it brings tears to my eyes. How silly is that?

Grandchildren

We have our two grandsons this week (6 1/2 and 4 1/2) and our granddaughter (11), since school is out. I think they are having a good time playing with Playmobile people, running in the sprinkler and just being together. I can't help but believe the 11 year old will soon be "too old" to engage in the kind of play they enjoy now and that will be sad. They have always had so much fun together. Maybe the dynamic will change but they will still want to be together.

I remember times with my cousins and the fun we had playing "cowboys and Indians" or staying out after dark for a game of hide-and-seek. It was such an innocent time and we were never afraid that one of us would be harmed. Now we just never let the children out of our sight for a moment and we live in a fairly secure place. Innocence lost.

I hope we are building good memories for our young ones that will carry them through times when things are looking grim or hopeless. I hope they look back at times with Nana and Papa and say with a smile, "Remember when...........".

He's Gone

My best friend's husband passed away about 2 hours ago. Her heart is broken and so is mine. I can't imagine her without him. They were such a pair enjoying life together with their children and grandchildren, traveling, gardening--a rich life. I know all the cliches about him being in a better place and not suffering anymore, but it still doesn't seem fair that such a man was taken so early.

Oh, Lord, please comfort this family. Wrap your loving arms around them and give them strength through this process. Let us be your hands and feet in the name of Jesus, giving them love and support.

Satisfaction

What is it about stress or sadness or worry that makes me want to eat? I catch myself grazing without hunger or thought whenever I am looking for comfort or answers to problems as if the food could give the solution. Can I be re-programed to go to the meat of the Word and the Living Water of Christ for satisfaction or am I so entrenched in my habits that it is too late?

"Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands. My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you." Psalm 63:3-5 This tells me the hunger I am experiencing is not physical, but is soul hunger. No amount of food will satisfy this hunger--only God can fill me.

Sorrow and Sympathy

I visited with one of my dearest friends and her husband today. He is in the final stages of life and my heart can hardly bear the sorrow I feel for them and the separation they are facing. In one way they are at peace--they know our Lord and trust him with the outcome, but they are still hoping for a miracle. Again, it begs the question, "Why does God allow such suffering to come to good people?" I certainly can't answer that one except that I know we are not alone in our pain. God, himself, suffered as the Father and as the Son on the cross in a way that we cannot comprehend. Even that knowledge doesn't make it any easier.

In trying to comfort my friend I could only hug her, cry with her and offer to be with her at a moment's notice. There are no words at times like these.

Connection

I am really needing to connect with friends and family today--but face-to-face, not just in print. There are so many things going on with many of them right now and it is hard to read behind the electronic messages and get to the hearts to know how they are really doing. I wonder if we are becoming more and more disconnected from each other even though we see the words. I would rather have one good long talk than a thousand little surface snippets here. I do read the snippets to get a feel for what they are doing at different times of the day and try to picture them in their activities. So, for now this will have to do. Better something than nothing.

My son has been 3000 miles away for most of a week. Now, granted, he doesn't live with me anymore and has his own family, but there is still that nagging consciousness that someone is out of place in the family. I don't get to see him much more than once every 4-6 weeks, but there is comfort in knowing he is home with his own. I know they have missed him this week, but there is such a sweetness in being separated for a time and looking forward to the reunion. Wish I could see the boys greet their dad.

That is the same sweetness I look forward to in being reunited with loved ones in heaven--especially my dad. He was so very fragile and frail during the last couple of years of his life and it will be wonderful to see him "making sawdust" and singing again. A carpenter at home with the master carpenter. How good is that?!!

We are leaving in the morning for Portland to spend time with our "Oregon kids"--that would be our son, his wife and their two very precious, precocious, active, intelligent sons. Of course, I'm not prejudiced!! I need to see them at least every 4-6 weeks to keep up with their growth and the latest "Nolanism" and "Kevinism". How great it is to watch our children raise their children and be a part of that. Our granddaughter lives right next door to us, so we see her every day, but we never tire of having her pop in to say hi. She is a pre-teen and quite a little horsewoman. I have great hopes for these children as they are being taught the principles and values that we taught their parents. It will not be easy for them to hold on to their values in this society, but I have great faith that He who has begun this work in them will see it finished.

A beautiful day today after one of those wild, spring Ellensburg days yesterday. Woke up to snow, then had sunshine, rain, wind and snow again. This is typical weather for here in the Spring, but it still beats tornadoes and floods, etc.

I am going to a women's retreat/conference in Canby, Oregon this weekend. Had a very hard time making up my mind to go because I always set my expectations too high on things like this and then am disappointed. Hopefully, I can let go of my expectations/needs and just accept whatever God has for me and be open to that. Maybe it will be SUPER! Oops.

Favorite Scripture

O.K., so I have been thinking of how to start and decided to begin by sharing my favorite scripture. However, that turned out to be a dilemna since I have several favorites. For today I think it will be Zephaniah 3:17: "The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing".

If you haven't already guessed, music (and especially singing) brings me great joy and comfort. One of my best memories is being in the car with my family, way before the days of video games and DVD players, and all of us singing. Even now I can hear my Dad's voice singing the bass part on "I'll Fly Away" or "We'll Understand It All Bye and Bye". In his later years, he loved "The Gaithers" and sang along with great gusto when watching their videos.

I sing alto, probably because I sat in church beside my grandmother growing up and she sang alto. I had the great privilege of singing with a Worship Team for about five years and loved every minute of it. I believe that was a gift from God.

Back to the scripture I quoted above, can you just imagine the God of heaven bending over you, quieting you with his love and singing over you? I just get goose-bumps thinking of that. What a beautiful picture!! He loves me that much! He loves you that much, too!

Blessings to you.

Starting Tentatively

My first blog post--not quite sure what to say that might be of interest to anyone else or that would show "me". So, for tonight, this is it. I will be thinking what of myself I want to share.