Emotions

The last four weeks have been such an emotional roller coaster for me. My friend's husband passed away from melanoma, his memorial service at his church and watching her being so strong yet so vulnerable. Then our Portland family came for a weekend and left their boys for a week and we had such a great time with them. Then there is the let-down when things get back to our dull normal routine except for the bright moments with our granddaughter. She is such a loving, trusting, sensitive child and wants to take care of everyone. She has a knack for sensing sadness and wants to comfort. Some sadnesses are just simply beyond her level of understanding, but she does want to help.

Next to God, my family is the dearest thing on earth to me and I can't bear it when things are uneasy between us. Sometimes I think I try too hard to keep everyone happy, but I love them so much. Even thinking about it brings tears to my eyes. How silly is that?

Grandchildren

We have our two grandsons this week (6 1/2 and 4 1/2) and our granddaughter (11), since school is out. I think they are having a good time playing with Playmobile people, running in the sprinkler and just being together. I can't help but believe the 11 year old will soon be "too old" to engage in the kind of play they enjoy now and that will be sad. They have always had so much fun together. Maybe the dynamic will change but they will still want to be together.

I remember times with my cousins and the fun we had playing "cowboys and Indians" or staying out after dark for a game of hide-and-seek. It was such an innocent time and we were never afraid that one of us would be harmed. Now we just never let the children out of our sight for a moment and we live in a fairly secure place. Innocence lost.

I hope we are building good memories for our young ones that will carry them through times when things are looking grim or hopeless. I hope they look back at times with Nana and Papa and say with a smile, "Remember when...........".

He's Gone

My best friend's husband passed away about 2 hours ago. Her heart is broken and so is mine. I can't imagine her without him. They were such a pair enjoying life together with their children and grandchildren, traveling, gardening--a rich life. I know all the cliches about him being in a better place and not suffering anymore, but it still doesn't seem fair that such a man was taken so early.

Oh, Lord, please comfort this family. Wrap your loving arms around them and give them strength through this process. Let us be your hands and feet in the name of Jesus, giving them love and support.

Satisfaction

What is it about stress or sadness or worry that makes me want to eat? I catch myself grazing without hunger or thought whenever I am looking for comfort or answers to problems as if the food could give the solution. Can I be re-programed to go to the meat of the Word and the Living Water of Christ for satisfaction or am I so entrenched in my habits that it is too late?

"Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands. My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you." Psalm 63:3-5 This tells me the hunger I am experiencing is not physical, but is soul hunger. No amount of food will satisfy this hunger--only God can fill me.

Sorrow and Sympathy

I visited with one of my dearest friends and her husband today. He is in the final stages of life and my heart can hardly bear the sorrow I feel for them and the separation they are facing. In one way they are at peace--they know our Lord and trust him with the outcome, but they are still hoping for a miracle. Again, it begs the question, "Why does God allow such suffering to come to good people?" I certainly can't answer that one except that I know we are not alone in our pain. God, himself, suffered as the Father and as the Son on the cross in a way that we cannot comprehend. Even that knowledge doesn't make it any easier.

In trying to comfort my friend I could only hug her, cry with her and offer to be with her at a moment's notice. There are no words at times like these.

Connection

I am really needing to connect with friends and family today--but face-to-face, not just in print. There are so many things going on with many of them right now and it is hard to read behind the electronic messages and get to the hearts to know how they are really doing. I wonder if we are becoming more and more disconnected from each other even though we see the words. I would rather have one good long talk than a thousand little surface snippets here. I do read the snippets to get a feel for what they are doing at different times of the day and try to picture them in their activities. So, for now this will have to do. Better something than nothing.

My son has been 3000 miles away for most of a week. Now, granted, he doesn't live with me anymore and has his own family, but there is still that nagging consciousness that someone is out of place in the family. I don't get to see him much more than once every 4-6 weeks, but there is comfort in knowing he is home with his own. I know they have missed him this week, but there is such a sweetness in being separated for a time and looking forward to the reunion. Wish I could see the boys greet their dad.

That is the same sweetness I look forward to in being reunited with loved ones in heaven--especially my dad. He was so very fragile and frail during the last couple of years of his life and it will be wonderful to see him "making sawdust" and singing again. A carpenter at home with the master carpenter. How good is that?!!